2013

A life's lesson learned

       I am at the Park City Medical center preparing for my eighth surgery in 20 months, in an attempt to make me whole again, I am looking down at my feet, my tan and newly shaved legs leading the way. My doctor’s signature is donning my right knee, and my wife is sitting next to me holding my hand and indulging my morbid sense of humor as I banter back and forth with the nurse, in only a way two health care professionals can. This is after a simple work related injury has snowballed into a catastrophic line of events that has since blessed and saved my life.

       While on a routine call returning a patient back to his home I stepped out and pivoted wrong while exiting the back of the ambulance to catch the stretcher wheels, just like I had done thousands of times before. But that day would be different. On that day, my knee would pop and with that came the beginning of the rest of my life.

       Within a couple of days, the discomfort had grown, and I needed to see a Doctor. I was uncomfortable. I was worried about the progressive worsening of the discomfort.  I met with the doctors at the clinic prescribed by my employer. My injury was assessed, diagnosed and a treatment plan was established. I began physical therapy that day. Within a couple days of this continued treatment plan, I was unable to walk without assistance from crutches. Long story short I was misdiagnosed, and subsequently mistreated. This had catastrophic consequences that would snowball into the destruction of both knees and my back.

        I spent a lot of time in bed staring at the ceilings in my home, as I spent weeks and months in bed. The pain was excruciating, and the drugs were debilitating, leaving me a lot of time to myself to be alone with my thoughts and time to reflect. I spent time looking out my front room window watching my elderly neighbors and my wife doing my chores in my yard including clearing my driveway in the winter. This was very hard for I am a proud man.  I am the hero, I am the rescuer, I save lives, and I serve others in any way I can, even putting the importance of family on the back burner for the sake of helping or serving someone else. I am also the sole breadwinner in the home, and I was the man of this house. As long as I kept thinking that way, I was never really going to get better. I was continuing to fall deeper into a self-pitying depression. 

       There had to be a lesson for me to learn through this experience and education gained. Up until the end, I was fighting it. I was not going to accept the change I needed to make, in order to truly heal. I had thought my work and efforts outside the home was a measure of my success. I had become complacent with my life. I was happily married, I had a home and a young family whom I loved with all my heart. I was a good financial provider, and when home I was “recovering” from my hard day at work. Leaving the real hard work up to my wife to do by herself; I see this now, but at the time I did not.  

       I had grown through these experiences. I have learned to be more patient and understanding to the needs of those closest to me, loving, and accepting of others and their service. In fact accepting service was one of the more difficult issues I needed to deal with, not just from my neighbors but from my wife and family. When one is proud like I was, it is unbecoming to ask for and receive help. 

I have learned to love and appreciate my wife a lot more and to see her hard work for what it was. The undying love and devotion to her children and their father was immeasurable, seeing that I realized I was an absent husband and teammate. I needed to be a better husband and father, I needed greater self-control, acceptance of others, humility, and I needed to learn to love myself. I had a true calling--- not to be a hero to the world, but to be a hero in my own home. I learned,  that I am not defined by my job but by my fruit (St. Mathew 7:20)  

        I was being prepared for my future. In a Ted talk I recently watched as part of a college English assignment, I observed Sir Ken Robinson, although his talk had nothing to do with my experiences, he did say something that was profound to me. He said, “Its education that takes us into this future we can't grasp.” I have been given a priceless education in life. I am a firm believer in my faith, and I believe God has a plan for me, but I was so stuck on me that I could not see the future and what tools I would need to successfully navigate its waters. Like a teacher to their pupil, God took over to assist me in seeing my way and properly preparing me for that great trip ahead. 

       There are certain benefits of failure, but the success only comes through diligent objective analysis of your own life. In another Ted talk I watched featuring famed author J.K. Rowling; she talked about how, through her failures, she has become a success. I tell myself to learn from my life’s mistakes and most importantly do not repeat them. We must change and adapt in order to be successful in this life. We must share our failures for those who follow us so those that follow do not waste time and effort making our same mistakes. But then again we need to fail and succeed in our own way for it to be impactful to our own unique lives.

                                   

                                                                  I don't own this picture

       
       I had physically fallen only to realize the fall I had already taken. I was to learn a valuable lesson that could never to be bought or sold with money or riches. I was rescued from the depths of despair and strengthened by the ebbs and flows of life’s cruel reality. I was given an education in life by a wise and noble God, who loved me and saw I would never reach my potential while on that destructive path of selfishness. I will forever be a learned man, of Life’s lessons learned.